I'm scared, I was getting so comfortable with how things were. I look forward to seeing him everyday. But then he mentioned he is looking forward to the day we may be bonded. He has yet to even say he loves me, and honestly I'm not even sure if what I feel is love. And as for bonding..what do I know of bondings? My parents were never around to show me an example, and because of this I had no idea how to be a bondmate and in that place what I did know of them had nothing to do with love, only duty, pass on wealth, titles and such. I had such dreams of bonding for love.. and I adored my first bondmate but once we were bonded I had no clue what to do... how to be a bondmate...sadly still dont. And because of how things happened.. it was almost as forced as my parents had tried... but we were trapped none the less... And while I was at first thrilled... He wasn't and I didn't know how to handle that, so I ran... now my own failings with my one and only bonding left me confused, hurt, and scared to try again. Will he understand that for me.. bonding is not a continuation of love as it is for so many?

Winters Warming is done, it was lovely while it lasted. I do so love the season in all it's beauty, watching the snow shimmer on the ground in the rifters light. But with the close of Winters Warming something interesting happened.. a new goddess came down from the rifter to mingle among us mortals. Another purple goddess... like Kane was. I wonder who's side she is on, she seems to be a benevolent goddess, though it is strange I feel as if I've felt her presence before.. as if she was watching before she fully let herself known to us. I shall be watching to see what the goddess Magistra Kailani has in store for us mortals. And on another note, though probably a corny one, winter was certainly warmer for me this year, since I've found myself no longer alone.

Tiberius has not been my only companion of late, my poor bear is probably glad for the respite. It is nice to not be alone, it is nice also to know he doesn't expect anything from me right now other then company, and his company keeps the chill of winter away as his flattery flutters my heart and causes me to blush. Perhaps there is hope for the future, but I refuse to dream of a future right now. Too many times now have I done so only to have it crumble before ever being close to fullfilled. One turn at a time, I refuse to think beyond that. Perhaps the fog..has lifted.

A memory was pulled from my mind today... but not a memory if that makes any sense. More a feeling... a search that is never fulfilled.

It is not often that someone surprises me. Usually I can read someones intentions before they plan to do something.. but tonight I found myself completely taken by surprise, more then once.. by the same person! I hope it happens again.